Eleanor & the Hudson Valley Horrors
by Kathleen Everett

I left the roller rink in Hyde Park that night thinking, “Eleanor would have loved this.” The rationale was simple. I figure that any First Lady with the chutzpah to climb into the cockpit for a spin with a Tuskegee airman would not balk at lacing up skates and joining a Roller Derby league.

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”—E. R.

The “Hudson Valley Horrors” is the name of the local team. They practice and host home bouts at the Hyde Park Roller Magic rink. Like many of the spectators that night, it was the first time for most of us. We had prepared for the event by watching the movie Whip It and reading up on the rules. Helpfully, before the bout began, the members of the Frightmares, the Hudson Valley’s junior roller derby team, came onto the track to explain and offer a humorous slow-motion demonstration of rules and fouls.

A bout is a series of races between two teams of five players at a time. Each team has a “jammer”—the only player who can score points. Three “blockers” work to stop the other team’s jammer while helping their own move forward, and one “pivot” calls the plays, functions as a blocker, and controls the pace of the pack. Helmet markings identify these positions in each two minute race or “jam.” When the referee blows the starting whistle, everyone except the jammers takes off in a pack. When the group is 20 feet forward and the whistle blows again, the jammers move forward. The jammers work their way through the pack, and on the second pass through can begin to accumulate points for each opposing team member passed. The night we attended, the Horrors hosted a home bout against a team from Lehigh Valley.

The Horrors are members of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association. Underneath their flashy uniforms, fishnet, and tattoos, these skaters are serious athletes. Unlike the lawless mayhem characteristic of roller derby of old, fouls in this league don’t go unpunished, rules are strict, referees abundant, and whistles blown often. Roller Derby is recognized as a legitimate sport, played by serious athletes who train extensively to develop the strength, agility and endurance it requires.

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” —E. R.

As with any full contact sport, injuries do happen in roller derby, despite the safeguards and the head, mouth, elbow, wrist, knee, and (optional) butt protection. The Horrors aren’t shy about flaunting the gore; a visit to their website offers a photo gallery of bruises and broken bones, smiling team members showing off casts and stitches. And while there is nothing glamorous about a broken nose and nothing sexy about crutches, these cheeky women challenge the cultural notions of femininity head on. The Horrors throw themselves into the fray with what appears, to my utterly untrained eye, to be no sense of apprehension or instinct for self-preservation. And while early in the bout many of us were cringing at the collisions and pileups, by the end of it we were cheering like spectators watching gladiators in the Colosseum. By the end of the bout I was secretly fantasizing about joining the team: the Horrors don’t have an age limit posted on the website, and no experience is required to join. Tryouts are in early spring.

“You not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.” —E. R.

Though members are undeniably team players, the tradition of roller derby requires each to develop her own distinct persona, complete with a derby name. These names conjure up images menacing and girly, brazen and sexy. Names are registered with the Association, and it is taboo to take on a name already in use somewhere else in the nation. A quick check on the internet informed us that Eleanor Bruisevelt has been claimed (she’s one of the Connecticut RollerGirls), so our group worked to come up with some suggestions for Mrs. Roosevelt’s alter ego. Val Kill’ER topped the list, followed by El on Wheels, The Fist Lady, and Destination E.R.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” —E. R.

The crowd ranged in age from three to eighty. There were families with children, young adults, and senior citizens. There is a concession stand at the rink, but no alcohol is served, and the bouts are family-friendly events. Seating options are general admission or ringside chairs, which leave no divider between the fan and the action, and include the thrilling possibility that your favorite Horror could end up at your feet! The season runs from April through November. The women of the Hudson Valley Horrors are funny, strong and determined team players with a solid sense of individuality. They are positive role models for young girls and boys, demonstrating qualities Mrs. Roosevelt admired. It’s a shame the team wasn’t around during her tenure in Hyde Park; not only would we have yet another reason to love her, it would be worth the price of admission just to see the Secret Service on roller skates.