Honoring Your Four-Legged Companion
by Lela Chapman

There are two ivy-covered graves in my mother's backyard. The older belongs to Boudeire, the imperious Persian cat who saw my mother through two husbands and her first pregnancy, and the newer to Pandora, a sleek black stray who arrived just as I left for college and promptly requisitioned the empty nest. When Pandora died, my mother wrapped her in lace and led a tearful procession into the ivy, where we lit a candle and said our goodbyes.

It seemed that we were not alone in mourning, for in the weeks that followed, we noticed that we sometimes found other offerings--voles and mice laid out just so on the fresh dirt of the grave. And then one day my mother called me to the window, where we watched as a neighbor cat, who had often played with Pandora during her life, trotted across our lawn and laid a fresh offering in the ivy.

Be you human or not, when an animal is part of your family, their death can bring a bracing surge of grief -- as well as the opportunity to honor a beloved companion. There are as many ways to do this as there are individual animals.

Whether an animal dies at home or at the vet, your first choice is cremation or burial. At-home burial, complete with a beloved toy and a small family service, is a favorite tradition. Cremation, meanwhile, has become increasingly popular for many reasons--lack of a backyard, the hope to keep one's companion's remains even after moving, local regulations that prohibit the burial of animals, or the season of death (in winter, frozen ground can be difficult to dig). Most vets offer two cremation options: you may leave the ashes with the vet for disposal, or, at a slightly higher cost, you can request an individual cremation, and have the ashes returned to you.

"It felt good to get the ashes back," recalls Anthony DeGiulio of Red Hook, who chose individual cremation after his dog Vinnie, a Shepherd-Rottweiler mix, succumbed to cancer last year. "Getting them back took about a week and a half, and I was still mourning then."

If you choose to bury your pet at your home, dig a grave deep enough to cover the animal with at least three feet of soil. You may also want to contact your local town or village hall to find out about regulations in your area.

If you don't have a backyard, or just want a special resting place or funeral for your animal companion, consider a pet cemetery. At a pet cemetery, owners can choose a memorial urn or casket style, select a plot location and a granite headstone, hold a private viewing, and attend the burial. "People from all different walks of life bring their pets," says Edward C. Martin, Jr., Director of Hartsdale Pet Cemetery & Crematory, just south of White Plains, NY, which has become the final resting place for about 75,000 animals since 1896. "The common factor is that they are all caring people who love their pets."

As if the loss of a pet weren't hard enough, pet owners often face a lack of understanding and even ridicule from others in their lives. "People say, 'it's just a dog,'" says DeGiulio. "But they don't understand that you are mourning. They just have no idea."

"Sometimes you're afraid to let your grief show," agrees Martin. "Or people say to you: 'just go to the pound and get another pet,' as though every animal is the same."

After you have decided how best to handle your pet's remains, there are many ways to memorialize them. My mother placed a white stone angel beneath the tree where she buried Boudeire; DeGiulio chose a hinged wooden box for Vinnie's ashes. Many home and garden companies offer custom-carved stones that can be inscribed with your pet's name. You might consider a donation to a local shelter or animal charity. There is even a website where pet owners can post a tribute to departed companions.

The final word, however, goes to chef Natalie DiBenedetto. She named her deliriously tasty Red Hook restaurant in commemoration of Mina, an avid hunter who, when she was not curled between Natalie and husband John, slept in a Castro GTX box.